Hell Hath No Fury like Heather's Head.

The orcs are coming over for a cup of tea.

I have no idea what that means. It was just the first thing that popped in my head.

For the first time in my life, I have Nothing interesting to write or talk about because Nothing interesting is happening. For the past few months I have been fighting my body for control and I'm not winning. However, my body's victory over my mind might not be such a bad thing considering it is my body winning and not another person's body. No rape here.

 My body has suppressed my intellect and my imagination....but I don't want to talk about that. In fact, I don't want to talk about anything at all because Nothing interesting is happening.

I just want to play on my pan-pipes and drink me some wine. But fate will not allow this, so I sit and write about Nothing.

..........

Do you see those dots? They are Nothing. My head is filled with a bunch of those dots. They are swimming around in the void and attacking each other. Nothings are attacking nothing. Nothing is sacred and chivalry has been dead a long time...just like mind....which explains why the dots are there.

It all makes sense now. Or maybe it doesn't make sense because sense died with chivalry.

The dirt ball is in your pocket so take off both your damn shoes.

But what if nothing is sacred because it is Nothing? In other words: Nothing = sacred. Nothing that is a void. Nothing that is a noun. Does Nothing being a noun make it a something? Does the fact that I made Nothing a proper noun because I capitalized the N mean it is something? Should I capitalize the S in the word 'Something' and therefore make it a proper noun as well?

Nothing, in terms of a void, seems pretty damn sacred to me. Our minds can't wrap around Nothing so wouldn't that make Nothing sacred?

Then perhaps Nothing is God

Which is sacrilegious. And sacrilegious  is a word derived from sacred. Which is Nothing.

Eureka!




Update: I just broke open a fortune cookie that had Nothing inside. The fortune cookie might be God.

Good thing I ate it before we all suffered the wrath of fortune cookie, Nothing God.

It's times like these I wish I had Tourette's Syndrome

I always wanted to make this into a coffee table book. Maybe even a cool pop up book where you turn the pages and a big conversation bubble pops up that says "Shit!" or "Fuck!". For now, this blog will have to take place of my awesome pop up book.

It's times like these that I wish I had Coprolalia:

(Coprolalia:  The uncontrolled or involuntary use of obscene or scatological language)

 

When you want them to open up more lanes at Wal-Mart and you want to cashiers to pick up the pace so you can get out of there.

When you are sick or hurt and tired of sitting in the ER waiting room

When you want to skip the security line at the airport...and you want an excuse as to why you can say the "B" word

When you no longer want to answer the phone at work.

When your aspiration in life is to become a drill sergeant.

When you want a really good excuse as to why you don't go to church.

When you are talking to the DMV lady

When you don't want to make a speech at your best friend's wedding.

When a Jehovah Witness comes knocking.

When you want everyone to stay out of your bubble.

Can you think of any more situations where Tourette's syndrome might come in handy?