My dog is addicted to frog

Sunday:

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:

Friday:

Saturday:

Later that Day......

Don't let this be you. Talk to your dog about the dangers of frog.

Damn you Thermodynamics. I like it when it's cold.

 This is what I look like when my husband brings home my favorite white wine:

And this is what I look like when I realize he forgot to buy the white wine that was already cold:

The End.

I want to murder a penguin

Earlier this week I wrote about a rare and powerful day when I felt adorable.  No one liked it. 

So I thought I would go back to the dark humored Heather that you all know and love. Darkside has been tuned in. Enjoy.

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Have you ever had one of those days where you are fed up with the way things are going and you feel like the only way to make yourself feel better is to murder something as cute as a penguin?

Because I feel this way all the time.

Penguins are so delightful and cuddly which is exact opposite of how I feel right now. For some reason, my reaction to this contradictory existence is to murder a penguin in the hopes that its death will somehow make me feel cute, cuddly, delightful, or maybe even warm and fuzzy inside.

Common sense unfortunately tells me that by no means would I feel warm and fuzzy after killing a penguin. I also don't want to find out what would happen to an inmate who is imprisoned for penguin murder.

But day after day I am haunted with thoughts of brutally murdering an adorable, wild animal. Something will always upset me and I will think, "I'm so angry I could...

 

OR

AND POSSIBLY

OR EVEN

 

I think about murdering a cute and furry creature so much that I might be considered psychotic at this point. I know murdering woodland and seafaring creatures is bad but I just can't help myself . They always seem so damn happy. I have tried to erase these kinds of thoughts....After all, I am a huge animal lover.

But the next time my computer crashes.....

Or the next time I get a papercut.....

And possibly the next time my husband forgets to bring home milk....

Or even the next time my mother calls.....

Killing imaginary wild animals by violent and awful means is fun!  Try it the next time you're angry!

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Psoriasis is adorable and so am I!

Sometimes you just have those days when you wake up and you're like

But not today

And it's not because I ate a whole pie for breakfast

And it's not because I drank 2 bottles of wine all by myself.

It's because I woke up this morning and realized

That's right. I am adorable on the inside and out.

Even though I have psoriasis on my chest,

spider veins on my legs,

and the mouth of a sailor,

I'm still adorable despite these shortcomings. In fact, my shortcomings are what make me adorable. If you would like to argue with my new found enlightenment, then you can

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I Like Pie

I like pie. (Pie with an E. Although I like Pi too as the header to my blog suggests)

I like chocolate, lemon meringue, banana cream, apple, berry, cookies & cream, pumpkin, pecan, and key lime pie. In fact, I like any type of pie.


 One time I had pie in the desert. I called it dessert in the desert. It was fun.

This is a picture of me & my hubby just minutes after eating my dessert in the desert.

I like pie so much that my female dog is nicknamed "Pea-Pie":

Pea-Pie

and my male dog is nicknamed "Poo-Pie":

Poo-Pie

Poo-Pie does poo a lot but he doesn't actually poo in pie. (Thank goodness!)

If I could eat pie everyday, then I would. My entire fridge would have nothing but pie in it.... And maybe a gallon of milk because milk goes good with pie.

Even though my teeth would rot and my weight would increase drastically, I would still love to eat pie three times a day.

I would marry pie if I could. However, I would not defile pie like they did in the movie "American Pie".

I hate that movie.....

There is a special place in hell for people who do this.

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