Please Eat Spinach Only if Tainted with Bacon and a Hint of Lime.

A few times a month I experience something that I like to call "waking dreams". My neurologist calls them "Hypnagogic Hallucinations". Indeed, they are hallucinations that I usually have after the first 10 minutes of waking up. Basically, my dreams will continue on and I will continue acting them out even though I am fully awake. 

It's sort of like sleep walking except that people who sleep walk don't remember doing it. I always remember although I can't always tell you WHY I did or said something.  They did a sleep study on me a few months back and I actually had a few of these "waking dreams" while hooked up to the machines. The doctor says my brain is fully awake and so whatever I am seeing is considered a hallucination.

It's a bit scary sometimes because I can't always tell what's real and what's not. Did I actually talk to that person? Is there actually a puppy strapped to a bomb  or am I just hallucinating this? There was even one time I cleaned my whole house thinking the Queen of England was coming over.

Why Tripp? Why?

These hallucinations always happen right after I wake up so I have learned that if something doesn't quite make sense (Such as the Queen of England coming to see me or puppies with bombs strapped to their backs), I am probably hallucinating and I need to go back to bed. 

My new favorite thing to do when I realize I am having a waking dream is to write down my thoughts and what I am dreaming about. Just like most dreams, these thoughts make absolutely no sense but are quite hilarious to read or talk about the next day.

I thought I would share some of these writings with you so you could get a full understanding of the strange things that go on inside my brain. These are actual things I wrote down while having a waking dream.

- Anyone who needs a follow-up appointment needs to first speak with their primary care physician. First you must buy ice cream. Second you must buy me a puppy that rides a unicycle.

WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

- Monkeys playing drums in the puffy gas clouds of my backyard have come to haunt my husbands heart.

Poor Bill.

- Please use fungus at your discretion but beware the hormonal effects of nasal intake.



?????



- Please eat spinach only if tainted with bacon and a hint of lime.

Imagine if popeye had added bacon and lime to his spinach. He would be unstoppable!

- In this time of uncertainty, I find myself thinking more & more of the baboon. Not the buffoon, but a baboon. Why? I really have no clue. You tell me.



This baboon is awfully happy in a time of uncertainty. Perhaps that is why I thought of them.

 

- Do you think a circle has an end? Do you think a down has an up? Do you think Charlie Sheen is really sober?

Charlie Sheen also invented circles.

- The Lord needeth what he tooketh on his broomtockith. And his broomtockith exploded into two thousand little pieces. Pieces that were used to create soft furry things. And the lord was angry but the butterfly hence fell before him and begged.

What the hell is a broomtockith?

I do remember writing these things but, just like with dreams, I have a hard time remembering why I wrote them down. Even stranger is that my handwriting is about 100 times neater. My spelling is also damn near perfect (except for the word broomtockith).

I am indeed a bad ass in my sleep. If only I were this creative and awesome when I was awake. Oh wait, I am awake...or am I?