I want to murder a penguin

Earlier this week I wrote about a rare and powerful day when I felt adorable.  No one liked it. 

So I thought I would go back to the dark humored Heather that you all know and love. Darkside has been tuned in. Enjoy.

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Have you ever had one of those days where you are fed up with the way things are going and you feel like the only way to make yourself feel better is to murder something as cute as a penguin?

Because I feel this way all the time.

Penguins are so delightful and cuddly which is exact opposite of how I feel right now. For some reason, my reaction to this contradictory existence is to murder a penguin in the hopes that its death will somehow make me feel cute, cuddly, delightful, or maybe even warm and fuzzy inside.

Common sense unfortunately tells me that by no means would I feel warm and fuzzy after killing a penguin. I also don't want to find out what would happen to an inmate who is imprisoned for penguin murder.

But day after day I am haunted with thoughts of brutally murdering an adorable, wild animal. Something will always upset me and I will think, "I'm so angry I could...

 

OR

AND POSSIBLY

OR EVEN

 

I think about murdering a cute and furry creature so much that I might be considered psychotic at this point. I know murdering woodland and seafaring creatures is bad but I just can't help myself . They always seem so damn happy. I have tried to erase these kinds of thoughts....After all, I am a huge animal lover.

But the next time my computer crashes.....

Or the next time I get a papercut.....

And possibly the next time my husband forgets to bring home milk....

Or even the next time my mother calls.....

Killing imaginary wild animals by violent and awful means is fun!  Try it the next time you're angry!

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